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M o m m y ’s
G u id e to
M o th e r’s D a y
The life of a mommy is busy and
hectic. This Mother's Day, make sure
to reward yourself with a little
"me time"—whether it's 5 minutes, or
5 hours. Here are a few ideas to help
make the most of your "me time":
Relax in a bubble bath -
light some candles, turn on
soothing sounds and soak your
stresses away.
Indulge in retail therapy with
the girls - round up your fellow
mommy friends and spend
the afternoon shopping and
catching up.
Feel the breeze - roll the
windows down, crank up the
radio and sing along to your
favorite songs while you take
a solo drive and forget about
everything else (even if it's
only for a few minutes).
For more Mommy Me Time
ideas and family-fun activities,
visit parents.com/mommylike.
T h e N e w S i e n n a M i n i v a n .
M o m m y L i k e .
TOYOTA
moving forward
better FAM
ILY
In other words, get used to it. And be comforted by the knowledge that,
to some extent, the girls really can’t help it.
“Part of it is just hormonal,” says Mogel. Changing levels of hormones
and the uncomfortable processes of brain development make adolescents
anxious and irritable. And girls, in general, are closer to—and interact more
with—their mothers than anyone else, which is why we get the brunt of it.
“They are the worst to their mothers. They’re lovely in school, good with
friends, nice to their dads, and just hideous with their moms,” Mogel says.
Perversely, that hideousness is a sign of your good parenting the goal of
which is to produce a healthy, strong individual adult. Eye-rolling is a lead
indicator that that’s happening. Really.
“It’s an adolescent’s job to be this way—to ridicule her parents—because
it’s such a long process of breaking away and becoming an independent
adult,” says Trisha Thompson, mother of two teenage girls (14 and 17) and
a frequent blogger on her life with them at
th e fa ste rtim e s.co m .
While those rotating eyes might look a lot like disdain or
embarrassment to you, “It’s the way girls punctuate their transition from
little girlhood to adulthood,” Steiner-Adair says. It’s just another perfectly
appropriate developmental stage behavior. 'When they were little they
would get upset, and cry,” she explains. “But now, instead of doing that,
they doubt you and question your not letting them be as grown-up as they
think they are.”
Until then, however, we parents have to negotiate their job with ours:
setting limits, instilling respect, growing decent adults. Which also means
not doing what Thompson says she’s always tempted to do—roll her own
eyes back at her daughters in an even more dramatic fashion. “That
doesn’t make anything better,” she says.
WHERE THE BOYS ARE
Boys share with girls the same need
to separate from their parents, but
manifest it with a different optical
tic: Avoidance.
“Mainly what boys do is try to
hide,” says psychologist Wendy Mogel.
Avoiding all eye contact with parents
(and other adults) is typical. One
technique they use, she adds, is to
spend a lot of time with their eyes
glued to a screen “so they don’t have
to look at that awful parent.” Another
is pretendingtogetatextwhen
you’re talking, just so they can divert
attention to the phone and away
from you.
Tween boys are desperate for
privacy. “Puberty bathes their brains in
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MAY 2010 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
hormones, and there’s just so much
going on with them,” Mogel explains.
Think voices—and other things—
changing. “They’re so self-conscious,”
she adds. They don’t have words for
the way they’re feeling and often
don’t understand what’s going on,
says Mogel.
Boys need compassion and
respect, and, yes, privacy. Grant them
space, don’t take it personally, and
when you can, find ways to engage
them. Try listening to their music and
discussing it, or get them talking about
technology—they probably know
more than you do. Remember, this is
not the epic documentary of their life.
It’s just another phase. ®
